When we grasp anything we attach ourselves to the object in our grasp. We are trapped in the object and lost in the object. The object can be anything external (things/people/places) or internal (ideas/beliefs/memories), but the actual grasping and attaching is always internal. If you grasp and attach to the chair you will say, "My chair". While the chair is an external object the grasping is taking place within your consciousness. You have an image of the chair on your mind and you are attaching your 'self' to the image on your mind. You are not your mind and you are certainly not what is on your mind. Yet one of your deepest habits is losing your 'self' in what is on your mind and confusing your self with what is on your mind. And what is on your mind is always just an image. To 'see' this process of attachment requires constant self awareness. Attention is necessary. Meditation is the practice. In some meditation practices it is called mindfulness but the aim is mind emptiness of selfness!
As one sees the habit of grasping and attaching within oneself one also begins to understand the origins of all fear, anger and sadness. These emotions are always the result of grasping and attaching. Once seen, the choice is restored. It is possible not to suffer from these emotional disturbances. They are forms of suffering but so accustomed have we become to their arising in our consciousness that we call them normal. We even say they are aspects of human nature therefore natural. But suffering means something is there that is unnatural, abnormal.
This is why freedom from all mental/emotional suffering requires the practice of detachment. However the idea of detachment is often wrongly interpreted as the 'withdrawal of care'. It has connotations of coldness. Only once the suffering of attachment is fully seen and understood can the essential need for detachment be recognised and the practice can begin. Only when one recognises that what you grasp you crush, does the real meaning of letting go become apparent. It is not the object of attachment that is crushed (unless you are literally attaching to a bird in your physical hand) it is the self that is crushed. This is why attachment is a form of spiritual suicide.
The practice of meditation is essentially the practice of watchfulness. It is the turning of attention inwards to 'look' through the inner eye of awareness. In so doing the inclination to grasp and attach is then clearly seen as 'the cause', and all suffering is seen as 'the effect'. Freedom from suffering does not come from the desire to be free, which is only a form of grasping at a concept of freedom. Freedom comes with the ending of grasping which is the withdrawal of the self from the image of the object that is being grasped. When one grasps and attaches to no thing, including ideas and histories, possessions and personality traits, one finds oneself in open space, in an inner space that has no boundaries, is without limit, containing no objects. And in that space there is pure peace and an awareness of the connectedness of all things. This is the very ground on which stands love, the very ground out of which love grows.
From a practical day-to-day, scene-to-scene, moment-to-moment point of view there are five practices which can help you end grasping and attaching. Only by experimenting with each one can the well practiced grasping self realise the futility of attachment, dispel the illusion that attachment is love and recognise that true freedom is only possible in non-attachment to anything and every thing!
1 Detached Observer
This is the art of being a witness to your own thoughts and feelings. Stand back internally, extract your awareness from what is on your mind, and watch the play of your own creation. Watch your thoughts come and go, watch emotions rise and fall away, watch ideas comes to pass, watch memories fading. But who remains? You do. The 'I' that says I am. The creator. In the awareness of only 'I', without any extension or addition, there is your peace and your power. You are peace, you are power.
2 Detached Involvement
This is the art of not consuming others emotions, or being affected by their emotions. If a friend or colleague is upset and you also become emotionally upset you cannot help them out of their suffering as you are suffering too. If you do suffer emotionally and you try to help them out of their suffering that is like a drunk trying to help a drunk. Have you ever seen a drunk trying to help a drunk? By remaining detached you are fully available to be involved in the process of helping them to help themselves. This means listening to what they are feeling and why. And as they tell you, they detach themselves from the story they are attaching to and identifying with, and their suffering subsides. Sometimes this is called therapy!
3 Detached Expectations
This is the art of expecting the best from others but not becoming offended or upset when they do not achieve or do not do what you expect. In this way your vision is always positive and you can remain stable and encouraging when your expectations are not met. When your happiness is not dependent on your expectations being met you will never lose your peace and positivity. The secret is to separate your happiness, your contentment, from your expectations, which are usually desires in disguise. Then your expectations will be more like a positive vision that empowers others.
4 Detached Outcomes
This is the art of having a clear goal but not becoming upset or down if you do not achieve it on time. It is good to have aims and goals but not good to make your happiness dependent on their achievement. If you make your happiness dependent on achievement you will always delay your happiness. Happiness is never then, it is always now!
5 Detached Histories
We easily forget that the past is past. It's dead, gone, done. It is confined to the realms of the unreal. We only exist in the realms of the real, which is now. And yet we may easily spend most of our lifetime grasping and attaching to the past. We replay our stories, our histories, sometimes in an attempt to relive them, sometimes in an attempt to change them, sometimes in an attempt to impress others, sometimes in an attempt to reinvigorate and wallow again in the suffering we felt then. We can never find success in the past. We are doomed to failure and a debilitating sense of despair that always lives and grows behind all our attempts to restore yesterday.
Question: What stories do you keep repeating to yourself about yourself or others that you know you are attaching to?
Reflection: Envision what your life would be like if you had no attachments
Action: Consciously practice each of the above five methods on different days during this coming week |
